Tag Archives: taboo

The Great Sexual Orientation Dissonance

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by Ron Brenneman

Fully aware of the quagmire this discussion will lead to, I nevertheless launch myself headlong into the great sexual orientation debate. I do so, not because I have the solution or even a solution, but because I have an opinion and am availing myself of my inherent right to express it. Political correctness is disingenuous if it does not include space for sincere expression of opinion.

I must clarify, given my responsibilities in several organizations, that the opinion I express is my very own and by no means represents posture, position or stance by any institution I have had involvement with in the past, currently participate in or may form part of in the future. This is just me.

The specific issue of sexual orientation holds absolutely no interest for me; I just don´t care. I also do not care about your food preferences, your social background, your religion, your economic status or your academic titles. I hope this is clear. I just do not care and have very little interest in putting energy into these issues. To me, these issues are important only as components of personal identity. If you are comfortable with whom you are, great: if not, fix it. At the same time, my personal preferences, opinions and beliefs form part of my identity and unless I weld them in such a fashion as to harm another person in any manner, they shouldn´t be a great matter of concern to anyone else. A friendly debate on these issues may help to clarify one´s thinking as identity is built, but to grind a subject into the ground trying to homogenize everyone´s view into some kind of politically correctness is a pointless disruption.

The challenge here is to rise above the fray and take a good objective look around. There seems to be an effort in keeping us focused below the beltline, as it were. All aspects of personal identity are lodged in our lower self; in our lower chakras. While we are focused on our bellybuttons, an Armageddon-like scene is reality for communities of people throughout the world. Personal liberties have been severely curtailed even in “democratic” societies, a hostile takeover of governments seems to be underway and we passively accept being labeled “consumers” when truthfully the consumers are those who manage to “reap without sowing” and “producers” are consider unworthy of mention let alone credit for what they do.

Humanity is currently facing a major civilizational transition. Regardless of your view on evolution and creation, we are in the midst of events which will drastically modify the social and political structures currently known as religion, government, law and economy. This has begun; it is not some far removed possibility.

Our role is to be fully involved. This earth, the heavens and the coming age are our inheritance; yet we have been conned into misdirecting our precious energy into superficial, petty, struggles. It is high time to pull the focus up just a bit and to start dealing with reality. I would frankly ask my friends and colleagues who have come out, or are about to come out, “Why are you here? Is life about your bellybutton, or is it larger? Are you here just to make sure we understand who you are, or are you participating in the evolution of life?” Where in all the annals of history does a human create a difference on the basis of their sexual orientation? It´s immaterial; it doesn´t matter. Could we please start dealing with the continuation of life?

It is no accident that the recent focus of humanity has been from the waist down. Why is that? Fear of the power we hold in our hearts and in our heads? I propose, and hope with all my heart, and know as a fact (which is no contradiction), that the current generation of humanity has the capacity in their hearts and in their minds to recreate the world as it should be, to raise our sights beyond the beltline.

We hold the reins. What we focus upon becomes important. So, where is our focus?

Life protects itself in the end, even against us. And after all, each age of humanity reaches its deserved end…

Breaking it Down into Manageable Pieces

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“All problems, regardless of how overwhelming they may seem to us, start out small. All difficult situations under the heavens are a compilation of simple problems.”

paraphrased from Tao Te Ching, chapter 63

It is rather overwhelming to understand that I must deal with what seems to be an ever expanding epidemic of issues such as sexual abuse, harassment, misogamy and other actions which apparently have been prevalent for some time. Unfortunately these issues have been so successfully hidden, in plain sight, that we actually lack common vocabulary to describe them.

At the same time, they are generally taboo subjects, which explains how they can be hidden away in plain sight. We can observe and give opinions when observed from afar, but when it occurs in our circle of influence, we mum up very quickly.

“When you recognize a problem, you´ve just been handed the task of solving it,” is another ageless truth that comes without exception clauses. As a father of young children and with responsibility to a school full of children, it is now my responsibility to get over being uncomfortable with the subject and assume my assigned role in helping to solve it.

It is interesting how sanitized our abstract concepts are and how they tend to hide the foul realities that create them. Take the overused term underdevelopment; we hear it often and it conjures up images of poor, yet often noble people in need of a hand. But what are the base elements of underdevelopment, if not unsightly and often very ignoble displays of human nature coupled with dire economic conditions? With our work in northern Morazán in El Salvador, we often tout the fact that we have the lowest murder rate in the country. We will leave out however, the contradictory fact that we have one of the highest levels of interfamily violence. And what makes up interfamily violence? All of those phrases we don´t want to consider, much less openly discuss; neglect, psychological abuse, beating, molestation, incest and rape. This is not a blanket condemnation of the community, just some of the cold hard facts contributing to underdevelopment. And yes, much of the community deserves the distinction of noble and warm-heartedness.

It is high time we stop dealing with the abstracts and start applying that ageless counsel of dealing with the individual and simple components that comprise the overwhelming problem. Or better said resolve the problems while they are still small; nip them in the bud.

We had an “issue” several weeks ago at the Amún Shéa School. It consisted of a male teacher taking inappropriate actions toward several female students, to the point that they became uncomfortable. The short story is that the students spoke up, the teacher was fired and we showcased the incident as an example of empowerment and several of our supporters became uncomfortable.

On the surface, a very simple incident, but one that could actually provoke “much ado over nothing” comments. Just below the surface, however, lie key elements in “nipping the problem in the bud.”

First and foremost, the students involved have not become victims. They spoke up publicly in a transparent matter-of-fact setting and effected the necessary change, without the need to take on the role of victim. I believe this aspect deserves a good hard look. It is an area outside my personal expertise. I do appreciate organizations that work with victims, but firmly believe that in many cases we can prevent the victimization from occurring in the first place. Empowerment is another overused term, but self-aware young people with a sense of self-worth and self-ownership, who are supported by “us” and by involved institutions, are less likely to become victims.

Secondly, the negative role model being presented by the male teacher to male students was thoroughly thrashed. The public accusation was necessary for this important aspect. We cannot ignore the fact that most learning occurs through example, especially in terms of social behavior. Sweeping the incident under the rug only trains the next generation in unacceptable “manly” behavior.

The third point is that this is not a law-enforcement problem. This is a “just whom are we here for” type of situation. Law enforcement is required when total breakdown occurs and a victim is created. We have the responsibility of creating the conditions that do not allow the situation to get to that point. The guideline seems to be the comfort zone. No one should be expected to bear with impositions of intimacy from others that create discomfort. “Your freedom stops where mine begins,” a sometimes controversial phrase, works well here, as does the concept of individual sovereignty. They must, however be broadened to explicitly include minors and others considered to be “institutional wards.” Indeed, enrollment in a school does not lessen individual sovereignty of the minor, but rather doubles the institutional responsibility in the protection of that sovereignty.

An open, frank and transparent atmosphere is the fourth element in nipping this problem at the bud. We must be perfectly clear in the understanding that it is nothing more than our denial and embarrassment over given subjects of conversation that casts the shadows which allow these actions to originate and propagate. A conscience effort to name actions for what they are, in a public and very timely manner, must be our personal and institutional policy.

The world is not limited to our school, of course, not even for our students. This is why it is so important that empowerment and self-worth is instilled in each student. In the end it is they who will eradicate this stupidity and prepare for their own challenges. We are here only to support them and to break things down to manageable pieces.